Iran: Luckily TACO is here!

Phew, danger averted? Maybe. But what happened gives the impression of being an action worthy of the finest vintage TACO. Let's analyze the facts.

Trump tried the "Venezuela 2" stunt, because that's how he's wired. According to him, it wasn't luck—only skill.

Seeing that the Iranians, despite continuous bombings and leadership losses at the rate of one per week, refused to accept their grim fate, and with the Navy that Trump had declared "obliterated" still managing to block the Strait of Hormuz—heaven forbid!—he decided to force their hand.

That's when the downing of the aircraft by the also-"obliterated" air defenses risked plunging Trump into a crisis comparable to one of his favorite punching bags: Carter during the hostage crisis incident.

One must admit, Trump has quite a few guardian angels when it comes to luck. The situation was truly on the edge—losing 4 aircraft and 2 helicopters—but at least he saved the colonel in what will surely become a Hollywood screenplay.

But once the co-pilot was recovered, and with the continued blockade of the Strait of Hormuz threatening to wreck the entire global economy, came the stroke of genius. Applying the famous "Madness" technique, he made the whole world believe he was ready to destroy Iran in a single blow. Clearly, having failed through traditional means with over 100,000 bombs, one could sense that the nuclear option—tactical or otherwise—had crossed his mind.

And this is the stroke of genius worthy of the finest vintage TACO. The entire world begged him not to do it, and eventually even the Iranians, beyond their human chains, had to reactivate diplomacy and reopen the Strait of Hormuz.

And now, in these two weeks, the exit strategy for this Shit Situation—which had no solution—was supposed to emerge. And what was it? Simple: the joint venture.

Yes, you read that right. Just 24 hours after threatening to "wipe out an entire civilization," Trump announced a US-Iran joint venture to manage tolls on the Strait of Hormuz. "It's a way of securing it—also securing it from lots of other people," he told ABC News. "It's a beautiful thing."

The president explained that the United States would play a role in monitoring traffic and rebuilding Iran: "There will be lots of positive action! Big money will be made. Iran can start the reconstruction process. We'll be loading up with supplies of all kinds, and just 'hangin' around' in order to make sure that everything goes well."

The cooperative tone is a dramatic swing from the apocalyptic threats of just 24 hours earlier. And while Trump frames the way forward as potentially lucrative, others question whether the ceasefire, however welcome, has left the world worse off than before hostilities began on February 28. Iran has already clarified that traffic through the strait will be conducted "under the coordination of Iran's armed forces"—a limitation that did not exist before the war.

But one thing is certain: the whole world will cry out "enough." And he, unable to ignore the requests of everyone—but truly everyone—to stop playing borderless Risk? Well, magnanimously, he will accept the idea. What does it matter, in the end, to prove who has the bigger stick, when faced with the gratitude of the world's peoples?

And perhaps even a fast track to the long-coveted Nobel Peace Prize—considering all the wars he's stopped, but also created? Here, Taco docet.

We should have understood back then, when they didn't give him the Nobel Prize. Knowing the man, we could be sure he would engineer a way for the world to see him as a heroic peacemaker rather than an incompetent mercenary commander.

Indeed, because from the first comments, TACO has already understood the most important thing for him (and perhaps the only thing he cares about): "Big money will be made"—there's a fortune to be earned!